I can’t say that I’ve ever made a real “new years resolution.”
This year is no different I suppose, but I do think I’ll be focusing on some different things.

I’ve realized as the years pass, people are just people…regardless of race, gender, culture…we all have the same basic requirements and goals in life…we’re just designed that way. But we’re all still incredibly unique at the same time.
We’re made up of all kinds of genetic history, definitive pasts, goals and ideas of success, family dynamics, experiences…all the “why’s” of who we are are very different
…. and therefore: we’ve come to a conclusion on our own individual beliefs and world views…hopefully.

When we’re younger (least when I was) we make all these stupid mistakes..and I think it’s because we just don’t know the answer to those questions yet. So there’s no real line to base our choices on.

I think the scariest part of life is just figuring out what those beliefs and views are.. and from there… who we are.
Then… being confident in that.
That is the hard part.

As much as we’d all like to be able to say that we act the same way around all the different kinds of people we encounter on a day to day basis, that’s not really true. It’s easier to just try to please people. We end up acting how we think they expect us to act.

I hate realizing I’ve been doing that.

But that’s not a fulfilling feeling. I think it’s a really repressive feeling actually.
I’ve never left a party full of people I had nothing in common with, after an hour of trying to fit in and said “Gosh that was fun.” It’s exhausting to try to be someone you’re not.
Sometimes it’s not even intentional…we just naturally want to fit with the people around us..seems pretty normal I guess.

But this year…I want it to be different.
I want to be the same person around everyone. . . . laugh at all the things I think are funny at the moment I think they are…my real laugh…the loud one…and not feel like I should censor what’s funny to me because other people might not think it’s quite as hysterical. I’m no longer going to hesitate to assskkk what this most recent silly ‘current event’ that everyone seems to know every weird detail about is.
I hate it when people say things like “Wait, you didn’t know about that??” [implication, of  "you idiot"] or the classic… “You don’t know that band?!”
oh shut up. I’m gonna ask, if I don’t know. I guess I didn’t watch Entertainment tv this morning..pf.

I wanna talk about what matters to me and not tip-toe around it, while still being able to listen and ask questions about what’s important to other people. I’d like to be able to openly admit my faults or explain what it is that I love without feeling like I’m on the chopping block for criticism…or needing to explain myself quickly because of someone’s response or off handed facial expression.

I’d just like to be able to know that keeping up appearances is simply unnecessary because I only have one. And no matter what setting I’m in, whether that be at church.. or a bar at 1am, sitting in my living room, or singing on a stage…I’m no different in any of those places than the others.
This year, I really want people to be able to expect one thing from me…my goofy, random self…with no apologies and no big effort to be cool or trendy or seem like I’m something that I’m just not. Life is too short.

I’m done with pleasing people for no reason at all. I love people…for every quirk and oddity…I think those things about all of us are what really matter. And maybe if mine are more visible, someone else will feel more comfortable with theirs being out there too.
I’m just me. . .take it or leave it. So I guess that’s my “resolution.”
The world would be one boring place if we were all the same. So “let’s get weird” this year.